WHEN YOU ARE NOT VALUED

By Dr.Jarlat Uche Opara

It does not really matter what one thinks of oneself; how one is treated often goes a long way in defining one’s value within a circle, situation, group of friends, or brotherhood.

Interactions may happen. Laughter and smiles may be shared. People may belong to the same social group, clink glasses of wine together, and repeatedly share meals. Yet beyond all these visible expressions lie invisible lines of affection, closeness, intimacy, and genuine regard.

Those who truly share these deeper bonds are the ones valued, honoured, recognised, and respected.

Many people fail to understand these defining differences. They mistake surface-level interactions for meaningful friendship.

Standing together for photographs is not difficult. Knowing people is not difficult either. Having their phone numbers certainly is not a problem.

Going around mentioning their names means little. But the real questions are:
Do they know you too?
Do they have your number?
Can they call you simply to check on you or discuss important matters?
Do they genuinely consider you a valued friend?
Do they find you important enough to invite you to their events? Do they call afterwards to ask whether you got home safely and to appreciate your presence?
Or is your attendance treated as something insignificant neither here nor there?

These are basic human responses within genuine relationships.Not every closeness is intimacy.Not every conversation signals fraternity.

Not every hangout is proof of friendship or brotherhood.Friendship and brotherhood are deeper expressions of intimacy built on mutuality, a giving and receiving, not something one-sided or lopsided. All parties involved share feelings, commitment, sacrifice, respect, and obligation. The depth may not always be equal, but the imbalance should never be painfully obvious.
Look carefully at your circle of friends. Examine the people you call brothers and companions.

Is there mutual love, sacrifice, concern, respect, and commitment shared at reasonably equal levels?
If none exists, then the bitter truth may simply be this: They may truly be your friends, but you are not truly theirs. You may sincerely attend their functions but yours may not be their consideration. You may check on them, but your thoughts may be far flung from their mind. You may know their houses but yours isn’t known.

In this kind of scenario, what one does is blinking in the dark at people who care less of their existence. The truth is, the one you call that doesn’t call you has one they call. The one you check on that does not check on you has those they check on. The one you sacrifice for that doesn’t sacrifice for you has those they sacrifice for. Such is irony of life which many have fallen victim to.

Not everyone shouting Up APC is a beneficiary of APC government. Some of them are even in dire strait situation. Remember proximity isn’t ownership or access, of course love is beyond smiles and exchange of pleasantries. To those you consider friends, you may even not exist in their minds. Think about it and know you space and boundaries, less you become an unwanted person in a place you thought you were welcomed.

Jarlathuche@gmail.com